C and H

And yet another list.

The ten resolutions below came to me in a vision in New York City during my walk from the A train Fulton Street stop to the corner of Wall Street, where I make my “professional” home and persist to steal time from a well-intentioned not-for-profit. (I hope my boss isn’t reading, but if so… HI!)

Failure to make good on a minimum of five of these resolutions will result in the immediate deletion of this post. You will never see it again nor will I make mention of it. (In other words: if you have any intention of using this against me, copy and paste now.)

With that, here are the Top 10 things 206UP.COM professes to accomplish in the New Year:

206UP.COM hereby resolves to…

10. Avoid posting a write-up of new music that was just covered by one of the more prominent Seattle music writers — you know who they are and they know who they are. I will allow for a minimum 12-hour buffer period and always strive to be the parrot-ed not the parrot-er.

9. Not be a hack. Some industrious hater (or maybe it’s a fan, who can be sure?) made this amusing clip of Aaron Sorkin stealing lines from… Aaron Sorkin. If I find myself stealing lines from myself, I hereby resolve to file a lawsuit on my own behalf against me.

8. Find out who Blacklemore is was.

7. Post more pictures of Bernese Mountain Dog puppies. Just because.

6. Offend (at least) a baker’s dozen local rappers by making grand, sweeping generalizations about their music without having spent adequate time digesting said music. I’m already off to a great start…

(And, just so I’m covering my bases here, make sure to grab Bolo Nef’s new solo LP, Sol Invictus, here. Word to Bolo.)

5. End all overwrought, marginally coherent album reviews and/or think pieces with the phrase: “But it’s all relative”.

4. Stop dismissing press emails outright based simply on the fact they’re TYPED IN ALL CAPS and “Sent from my Verizon HTC One”. (On second thought, fuck that, learn to promote yourself!)

3. Cease my chronic procrastination of hip hop album review writing brought on by playing Lorde, Haim and Demi Lovato records on repeat when I should really be concentrating on the task at hand.

2. Dedicate more coverage to Seattle hip hop released in the 1990’s. (I’m serious about this one.)

And finally…

1. I hereby resolve to stop offending 90 percent of my reader base by crudely disparaging Macklemore and his music. From here on out, only highly literate, allegorical critical analyses will do. Half of Macklemore’s fans won’t be able to understand them anyway — #ShotsFired!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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